


Fuck My Undeath

by CatChan, Hero_addicted



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Adjusting, Bat Family, Blood Drinking, Blood Loss, Near Death Experiences, Resurrected Jason Todd, Vampires, insecure jason todd, slight Jason/Roy, zombie to vampire
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-14 14:40:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7176086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatChan/pseuds/CatChan, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hero_addicted/pseuds/Hero_addicted
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He couldn’t believe what just happened. Sure they live in Gotham and weird stuff pops up all the time. For Christ sake the shining saviour the dark knight beat the crap out of the mentally ill dressed as a bat. </p><p>Today was actually a pretty good day though he should have known there’s no such thing as a nice day for a guy like him. Life just loves to fuck with Jason Peter Todd at every given moment.</p><p>they always say that being a vigilante or hero or whatever you should expect to get hurt on the job. Hell he died the first time. Though this time in less than a blink of an eye he's breathing in blood spilling from his throat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Good Night Until...

He couldn’t believe what just happened. Sure they live in Gotham and weird stuff pops up all the time. For Christ sake the shining savior the dark knight beat the crap out of the mentally ill dressed as a bat. Today was actually a pretty good day though he should have known there’s no such thing as a nice day for a guy like him. Life just loves to fuck with Jason Peter Todd at every given moment.

Today started off so nice. He got to wake on his own accord, make breakfast with Alfred, no fights broke out, nobody tried to give him shit when he went out to oversee some gangs, he came back without Terry stalking him, Played some videogames with Roy and without Dick or Damian throwing off his game or sabotaging everything to fuck with him, finished the book the librarian recommended to him a week ago, it had a great ending, watched a wonder woman fight compilation on the bat computer without Tim kicking him out to do important work, The manor as a whole was incredibly clean and organized, no loud noises, and no bad news on the TV. Today was good; maybe everyday could be like this clean, quiet, and calm even with the family here. 

Though it’s easier to bet on a relatively peaceful day at the manor than a good night. Maybe it’s because everyone is reminded of what they are. 

When you look at Damian Wayne during the day he’s a bitchy little rich kid that has a soft spot for animals he generally will just threaten you if he’s pissed. At night he’s more likely to deliver on those threats, while he takes the stance of a predator ready to pounce. Sure he’s still petulant child but he’s a petulant over confident child assassin first and foremost on the field. 

Tim drake was an overworked nerd by day and an overworked nerd by night not much to say about him. Damian hates his guts day and night but lately been building a begrudging respect for him as of late and showing it in the most rude snobbish way possible while Tim tries his best to ignore him or falls asleep when ever Damian starts talking to him. Jason finds the exchange hilarious. 

“Drake have you seen fa-“ not even letting Damian finish the sentence before he slumps over the work he has piled wherever. Most of the time he’s not sure if he’s doing it on purpose or if he really rather let his built up exhaustion take him instead of interact with the little demon. 

Dick is a jerk trying to pretend to be a good big brother to his successors when he knows he’s a lying piece of shit. Frankly he will never forgive him for letting Bruce stick him in Arkham and the stunts he pulls. The first being his faked death and second being secretly joining the court of owls “to save the family”. There are some things he just can’t let go. As for the night transition not that much changes except maybe he tries a little harder to be the cheerful one of the family. 

He has no problem with Stephanie and feels she’s the only genuine ray of sunshine in the bat cave. Shame that Bruce treated her like shit. 

As for Barbra he respected her the most out of the Batclan. When he was Robin she was an awesome big sister to him and actually paid attention to him and made jokes and did actual sibling things together. While Dick mostly got into fights with Bruce or showed off to prove that he’ll always be the best and original. 

When she found out about him being the criminal killer Red hood. There was a rough patch and a couple lecture but she didn’t disown him like Dick and Bruce. She even tried to talk them down from sending him to Arkham. He believes her. When she uncovered the fact he doing things for Al’Ghul she was just disappointed in him but not angry. She was always the most patient family he ever had. Day or night she is the stable column that holds their operations and sometimes lives together. 

She and Stephanie might also be he most lenient about his whole crusade against crime. When killing the joker they say good riddance. 

Lastly the Big Bat himself the shining beacon Dark Knight, of course by day he’s charming billionaire Bruce Wayne. Which is frankly a mask he puts on to appeal to the upper crust and the people of Gotham. Night he’s batman pragmatic resourceful and emotionally constipated like the rest of the batclan except for the girls. The big man that calls all the shots, before he would supervise patrol for all the robins keeping a close eye out for danger. According to Red Robin he was being down right over protective with Tim after Jason died and indifferent to Stephanie when he didn’t see her as a robin in the same way as he saw the robin boys. Frankly he’s a prick.

Though now when they go for the family patrols everyone goes into their chosen groups. Bruce mostly sticks with Damian as father and son and in turn Dick follows Damian since he’s his robin. The group of Batman, first robin, and most recent robin take to the rooftops. While Tim likes to pair himself with either Barbra more or less working alone on the field or with Jason who balances out their brain and brawn. 

Jason like Tim for the most part but is slightly annoyed having to be on the no killing rule for him because he still puts Batman on a pedestal and believes in the no killing bullshit. Though on patrol it’s easy to ditch the kid and go off on his own. When he ditches the kid and Stephanie is around then they go work together.

Barbra could track him for Tim but he could also tell her to not tell him his location and let him go no questions asked. The only reason that Barbra lets him go is that he promises to come back and they agreed his tracker on him are to stay online. It makes him feel good that she genuinely cares if he’s safe. If anything happens she assures him she’ll send the clan on duty to find him immediately so he never has to suffer through dying again. 

But in return in the case of a quiet patrol he’s allowed to stray from the teams and Barbra won’t disclose information about his whereabouts and activities to any of the bats. Whether he leaves to deal with his gangs, pimps, prostitutes, drug dealers, and other criminals under his thumb or he goes to piss off penguin and/or black mask or visit an orphanage or leaves to pet Catwoman’s cats or shoots a rapist in the dick Barbra won’t pry or tell on him to Batman. 

So he goes off on his own with Barbra watching his back. He mostly walks the streets while his brothers take the rooftops. Sure as a robin he loved skipping across what used to seem like impossible bounds. Though he isn’t anything like Dick who could probably do a quadruple backflip across landing with a split. He would just leap across. Now when he does it he feels a slight dull ache in his ankle and all he can think about is when the Joker shattered his ankle before` he died. 

Compared to the rest of the family it’s like he’s the one with broken wings, well him and Barbra. But she didn’t fall as far as he did. There’s a reason he’s a red hood not a bird like a Nightwing or Robin. 

Besides the streets is where the up close action is. Of course it’s more dangerous but so is he. He dons the red hood to let the scum of Gotham’s streets know that he’s watching and if tonight calls for it he can and will kill the particularly despicable tonight. 

Though without the other members of the batclan even the nights get to be relatively peaceful and tonight he hasn’t heard of any criminals breaking his rules in his boroughs. A prostitute offered to buy an ice cream sundae for him and he accepted. She introduced herself, as Heather and she wanted to just thank him for getting rid of the pimp that was drugging them to wring in more profits.  
She called in her friends Sasha, Carrie, and Violet to meet the red hood. They were so excited to meet they guy that protected people like them. They knew he understood their troubles and didn’t judge them for their profession. They knew that he cared for them in the street level. 

Heather paid for ice cream. They took their seat and talked for hours mostly talking about some awkward clients and the weird stuff they’ve ask of them. But he learned a lot from them too. Carrie had a degree in world literature and they talked about underlying messages in some of their favorite stories for a bit and Violet had a degree in arts. Violet sketched him a beautiful picture of a woman surrounded by flowers on a napkin. She carries a pencil with her everywhere and shows him the things she made on her phone. 

He thinks the greatest thing about the girls is that they didn’t really care what people thought of them. They were relaxed to joke about work. They even got in a competition about sucking a banana from the banana split some of them ordered. 

They were surprised to say the very least when he, the man that criminals don’t dare cross unless they have a death wish, swallowed a whole banana right in front of them without gagging. It’s not like he ever had practice or anything. But it was hilarious to see the Red Hood taking it without choking. For the rest of the night they teased him a bit about it. He was laughing on the inside at all the red hood blowjob jokes. 

When they were done catching up and getting pictures with Red Hood, which he would never admit aloud that it made him feel like a celebrity. He walked the ladies home. He knew that they didn’t actually need his help since they walk these streets at night for work, but they did feel a bit safer getting to walk home with Red Hood. If they came across trouble The Red Hood will deal with it. He knew that their profession put them at higher risk to get randomly murdered. 

The girls are dressed pretty nice. They hardly looked like sex workers, but walking around at night isn’t safe for anybody even if this is Red Hood’s territory. Well that was his excuse to walk with them because he liked talking and didn’t want the conversations to end at the ice cream shop. They had a few more jokes and funny stories to tell before they thanked him and parted ways. When they part ways one of them gave him a playful peck on the cheek of the helmet. Two of them jokingly slapped him on the ass. He was sure that he could hear one of them say "I touched the butt” as the other laughed. 

They were comfortable around him because they knew he doesn’t hurt people like them. To them he was a good person. He was comfortable around them because they’re good people in unfortunate circumstances. They understood the feeling of doing what you need to do to survive, even if it’s not good or morally right. Sure not to the same degree as killing but his sacrifice could be written off as for the good of the community. 

Red hood owns a couple blocks in scattered parts of Gotham. If there’s something wrong somewhere it becomes his problem. He deals with the problem and comes back to check if everything is okay. When the people of that area respect him it basically becomes Red Hood’s territory. When he starts to get spread thin he assigns an overseer to inform him of anything going on if it’s a minor problem then the seer gets to deal with it in the way Hood says it’s to be dealt with. If it’s a big problem then Red hood will be paying a visit to arrogant sons of bitches that thinks they can break Red Hood’s few little simple rules. 

Very much unlike batman who comes to the rescue whenever any of the big baddies break out of Gotham again to start shit. Or comes to the rescue to whatever he finds on patrol with Wingding and Bat brat. 

So what if Bats doesn’t like how he does it? The people, who actually live where he ‘works’ are happy, fuck Bats and his dumb ideology. He can go chase the mentally ill and stick them back through the revolving door of Arkham.

He wonders what the Bats think he’s doing when he goes off on his own. They probably think he’s going to murder a couple child abusers or something like that. While in reality he just went out for ice cream with a couple prostitutes. Okay that probably doesn’t sound too good…well. No it doesn’t really convey the reality of the situation. 

All in all the night was pretty damn good with free ice cream, great company with the girls being so funny, sweet, and witty, being reminded that he’s doing the good thing even if it’s not the right thing in the bat clan’s eyes, no Nightwing and Batman to come and bug him, No robin death threats…okay not completely Babs said Damian mumbled in his coms he would gut him in his sleep but least he didn’t have to listen to it directly, and pretty good weather. He feels pretty buzzed on happiness. 

For a day that was so good for so long he expected to be struck by lightning though of course he gets something more likely in Gotham, being ambushed. Though the person ambushing him wasn’t a dumb mugger that didn’t know about the reputation of red hood. Being a criminal Gotham it’s got to be one of the first things you know about other than Batman and Joker. It could have been a hit man hired by the Penguin and Black mask who fair enough, hates him for interfering with their business more so than Batman and taking bits of their territory and making the criminals in their area loyal to him…and attempting to snipe Black mask from the rooftop that one time. 

All he knows is that in less than a second he feels a weight on him and the next millisecond he feels extreme light-headedness, nausea, fatigue, weakness, and difficulty breathing. He feels the metal taste of blood bubbling up in his throat as he struggles to breathe. He feels like he’s drowning in the blood coming up to his mouth. He puts his hand to his neck and feels blood coming out alarmingly fast. Did someone slash his neck open? 

He couldn’t register what just happened all he knew was that he was walking the streets and sudden bleeding from the throat. His neck was completely numb he probably wouldn’t have noticed if he didn’t feel the warm liquid run off to stain his shirt. He was freaking out now. He calls for Barbra but he can’t make out any words as blood his falling out his mouth like a waterfall and as he’s practically choking himself trying to slow down the bleeding from what he’s sure is an artery as it’s spurting out oh god. 

He tugged off his hoodie and held it to his neck it was probably not helping that much but he was feverish and when someone is losing an excess of blood really fast it’s best to pressure on it. So he’s leaning against a brick wall with his light bulletproof armor in an alley choking himself with his own shirt. He turns on the coms in his helmet to talk to Babs to try to get emergency help. 

“Jason what’s happening? Is something wrong?” she couldn’t hear anything coming from Jason except wet hacking and gurgling. Of course something’s wrong. She’s seriously worried so she switches on the distress signal to send all members of the family to his location. He has to be in serious trouble if he can’t reply to her immediately. 

She then notices his vitals are weak and he’s struggling to breathe “Jason please speak to me or if you can’t um tap your helmet three times to let me know you’re still conscious” she hears three taps register through the coms followed by choked wheezing. Is he being drown? He nowhere nears any warehouse or harbor. Does he have a punctured lung? That would explain the difficulty breathing. She was so scared for him “Please hold on Jay I already sent help, I even called Alfred to prepare the medical bay” she got another three taps in reply. 

Jason wasn’t doing to good. He has no idea how far the Bat clan is and whether it’s too late for him. He’s going to die again. Though there’s one thing calming about listening to Babs type furiously and speaking reassuring words to him in his last moments. His throat feels numb even as he’s choking. He’s trying his best to calm down and slow down his heart to slow the bleeding. But trying to meditate is impossible with you brain pulsing and you’re heavily sweating and blood is gushing down your trachea. Worse of all the attacker probably punctured an artery meaning he’s going to die in minutes if he doesn’t get help. 

He fucking knew he should be on the rooftops like his brothers do it. He knows the street levels are dangerous but damn it this is where he lives for. He shouldn’t have let his guard down after chatting with those girls. Because today the god he doesn’t believe in thought to make his day of second death actually pretty nice before making him die a slow and more pathetic death than the first time. 

The first time he couldn’t die from excessive trauma of being bludgeoned in various parts of his body. The first time he couldn’t die from the fiery explosion that he attempted to shield the mother who sold him to joker and died in the explosion or by being crushed by the rubble anyway. The first time he couldn’t die in the fire. The first time he couldn’t die by the rubble on top of him. No he had to die with the rubble on his already beaten and bruised chest with already perforated lungs breathing in the arid smoke unable to get away because his senses were muddled in the concussion resulting from either the crowbar to the head or the explosion as well as half a building on top of him crushing his already shattered ankle and broken leg. He had to die slowly and miserably but not slow enough to be saved. 

He’s not sure if this is merciful or cruel to have him go the second time choking on his own blood instead of smoke. Okay okay right now he has to push out the bad thoughts or he might risk a panic attack and speed up his heart and end up sucking in more blood into his lungs.

“Jason you’re okay going to be okay you hear me? You’re going to be okay can you stay awake for me?” not really his head is throbbing like he’s being hit repeatedly in the head with a crowbar. Relax Jason now is not the time to think about that. Well maybe now isn’t the time to be relaxed because he might lose consciousness and never wake up again but not being relaxed his probably going to make him die sooner. All he can manage is gurgle with his blood filled mouth. 

He keeps a steady tapping on his helmet to let Babs know he’s still alive. The tapping feels like a count down on a clock like a… “Jason Bruce is right above you he’ll take you back to the manor stay with us please Jason” he can hear her voice cracking a bit she’s going to cry. He wants to comfort her but he’s relieved to hear the good news. 

It makes him feel slightly hopeful. If he could speak he would say something to Bruce about him making it to him on time or something else in poor taste. But frankly he’s extremely exhausted and he can’t see straight. He feels himself being pulled under to the world of unconsciousness and Bruce tensing trying not to cause any more damage to his soon-going-to-be-dead-again-son.

He wouldn’t dare shake him awake while his head is lolling and blood is flowing out of his throat. He’s scared that he’d lose the son he failed long ago again. He carefully and quickly makes his way to the manor. They’re lucky that Jason was not too far from it.

He calls for Barbra to keep tabs on Jason’s vitals as he reaches to his utility belt and checks though all the vials and picks out his strongest depressant. The drug he’s going to use on Jason is supposed to simulate death by stopping the heart of the person injected with it. The drug is really for faked death it’s rarely used since it would leave the person injected with it inactive as well as the possibility of causing actual death. But right now Jason’s heart needs to stop in order to stop the bleeding. He’d give the boy the best chance to live even if it means temporarily killing him. So he stabs the needle into him. Of course doing this gives them no way to measure whether he’s really dead or drug induced dead. But it was necessary. They were close to the manor but they were still getting there on foot. If they’re going to move Jason they couldn’t be worrying about further blood loss. 

He tells Barbra to stop reading and not to worry. Jason is safe now but he lost too much blood. Even though they’re not quite in the clear when they make it to the manor he’s relived to see Alfred had already set up the medical bay, and Leslie Tompkins with a surgeons mask and gloves. He informed Leslie as much as he could about Jason’s condition as he sets him down on the Table. Leslie nods as she pulls off Jason’s helmet and removes his armor. She hooks Jason up to the various machines and places an oxygen mask on his face. She picks out Jason’s blood bag for later use and begins filling him with saline. 

She looks at the electrocardiogram worriedly and looks back at Bruce as he startles and gives Jason the antidote. The heart monitor started to give readings again. The heartbeats were weak and few but Dick pointed out that Jason has a generally slow heartbeat but that didn’t ease his concern. He trusted Leslie could do her job well and save Jason. His life was in her hands. 

This was going to be a long night.


	2. The Slow Beeps of the ECG

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The batclan waits for news from Leslie on Jason's condition

They had never seen Batman so troubled since the first time Jason had gotten seriously hurt. He could only image all the scenarios running through his head is driving him nuts. 

Who could have done this? Well a lot of people probably have a bone to pick with the red hood Penguin and Black Mask is the first to come to mind. Jason is too skilled to be taken down by some random thug or hit man at least not without a fight, and as far as he, as far any anybody knows the only injury Jason sustained is the bleeding throat.

What if he killed him with the heart-stopping drug? When he administered the antidote he watched the heart monitor beeping for a couple minutes before they left. 

What if he’s still conscious? And whatever anesthetic Leslie could give him won’t work to keep him unconscious for the operation and he’s in pain? Well anesthetics work on Damian and he’s probably not that different from Jason and he carried Jason half way to the manor and the boy was knocked cold before he even thought to give him the drug. 

All the questions running through his head he answered with the logical part of his brain but the same questions were coming back repeatedly making him unsure again. Why is it always Jason that gets killed or brought to near death? Bruce faulted himself for not being there for the boy and abandoning him when he needed his help the most. He promised himself that he’d never let his wayward son down ever again, but the doubt kept crawling up to the forefront. What if he was too late? He couldn’t deal with letting the same son die twice, angry and alone, especially not after going to Apokolips and back to save his biological son. 

\---

Other than Bruce and Barbara nobody really knew what condition Jason was in, other than hearing he had blood loss and a slit throat. Not that Bruce or Barbra knew all that much more about what happened to Jason either. Worry for Jason’s condition hung over all the bat family members like the Gotham city smog. The question on everybody’s mind is “is Jason going to live?” they’re not entirely sure of themselves. They could imagine Jason has survived worse, he came back from worse, but a slit throat with heavy blood loss isn’t something to take lightly. 

A heavy silence hung in the air. Until Robin spoke out “Why doesn’t he patrol from the rooftops like everyone else?” As he said it his face was stony his words weren’t angry or disapproving at Todd. He wasn’t picking on him. He was simply stating the fact of his habit. Nobody answered him they all just gaped at him as if he said something horrible. Though they all know it’s true. 

 

Why doesn’t go on the rooftop as much as the rest of them? It’s safer and he can look down on trouble watching it from above. Formulate a game plan before rushing in. From the streets below anybody can get to you and while the more deadly people like snipers or assassins can stalk from easily from above. This one of the first things you should understand when you’re a robin. Stay above the action and use the environment to your advantage. They could only guess that Jason tries to stray away from Batman’s ways as much as possible but something like that should be common sense. 

It’s not like that he wouldn’t ever take to the roofs but it was noticeable to everyone that he preferred to fight from the ground. Which made sense for the way Jason fights. He weighs more than everybody in the family even Bruce. All of that weight is pure muscle. Landings are probably slightly more difficult to be stealthy especially with him wearing heavier combat boots. He’s also the biggest, strongest, and the second most imposing the first prize for most imposing person goes to Batman. He’s pretty good at hand-to-hand combat and is as skilled with a combat knife as he’s skilled with a gun. 

His fighting style is akin to Damian since fighting with the League of Assassins but appeared sloppier than Damian. Though Dick could tell you that most of the time Jason would be holding back and when he wasn’t holding back he’d throw you through a loop. What you think is an opening would be exactly where he wants you to attack so he could drive his entire body weight, which is very heavy, right into the weakest point of the body or throw it towards you to throw off your balance and drive your head for the pavement. A move he suspects to be Amazonian. 

Anybody who never had a real fight with him would assume he wasn’t as good as good a fighter as the other robins because he would always be relying on his brute strength for many of his fights. 

Damian would never in a million years fight in the same way as Jason. He only knew how to ooze competence when he fought. Tim fought smart utilizing as many gadgets and tricks as he could fit on him. Dick fought with grace and opted for many sharp kicks and bashes with the escrima sticks Barbara being the same before she was paralyzed. Stephanie was maybe the weakest fighter of all of them but was the stealthiest, though when she was put in a position she had to stand her ground and attack she’ll give absolutely everything she got. Sometimes that’s all you need. One thing in common is that they all rely on the element of surprise. Jason with a bright red helmet didn’t need to surprise he inspired fear just like the Batman, just like the Joker. 

All in all, for someone to take down Red Hood they had to be very fearless, dangerous, and most of all incredible skilled. For the Red hood to be taken down like this so suddenly was unbelievable. The Red hood never went down without a fight. Their guess of what happened to Jason was all speculation. As they have never had the opportunity to see the full extent of Jason’s injuries. But judging by Bruce’s reaction not much information about his condition could be gathered than the fact that Jason might die again. 

 

No matter the damage, someone targeted Red Hood and that’s got to be bad news. That could mean anything from a Gotham gang war to a hit on everyone related to Batman or both. When someone was after Batman a lot more people are going to get hurt than just Batman. Jason and Barbara know that fact first hand at the hands of the joker. 

The bats sat in the cave contemplating whether this was carelessness on Jason’s part or a declaration of war. 

\---

Nobody was allowed to be around while Leslie worked. She couldn’t afford any distraction especially with an operation as sensitive as this. Patching up Jason in an area that moved around a lot is difficult. When she cleaned up the area of all the gushing blood she noticed the wounds weren’t nearly as severe as she expected. Sure with the amount of bleeding she expected a deep cut but there are only four little puncture wounds on opposite sides of his Adams apple. 

Was he shot through the throat twice? Impossible what’s on his throat was small puncture wounds. She would have to question the boy after he regains consciousness. It appears the person who attacked him only scraped his carotid artery however it’s already started to clot around the wound area. He’s not sure if it’s superhuman healing that some super heroes just seem to have or what. All she knows is that the boy doesn’t have much blood in him. She couldn’t help but to keep looking back to the wound on his neck it looked clean for the most part but the skin around it was irritated, puffy, and slightly purpled. It could be an infection but she’s told Jason has a strong immunity. 

She already patched up the holes in his neck. She’d begun on transfusing blood into him. She finds it weird that they have bags of their own blood on hand for situations like these but she supposes a life of a vigilante makes it a necessity. No matter how amazing their feats may be or the impossible they overcome they’re still humans. Well the one on her operating table is questionable as the heart monitor beats unnaturally slow while his medical records point to a perfectly healthy blood pressure. She would measure again but they’re currently putting more blood in him so doing so would be pointless. 

The blood is going back in his body but he still looks incredibly pale. Neither does he look anywhere close to waking up. His condition is stable so she should probably let his family in to see him. They’re probably going crazy with worry.

She’s tired from being called up so suddenly and working late into the night but seeing she’s trusted by Batman to help whenever she can. Well she can do her best to patch up any of his boys after their serious battles. She would do some detective work of her own to figure out what happened to her patients but there wasn’t much she could gather from him. Most of the time when they hand off the injuries for her to handle they’re normally very serious stabs, gunshots, broken bones, cuts, fire burns, embedded shrapnel, and regular check ups. 

Alfred could normally do his best to deal with the non-life threatening wounds. He would call her up when someone is near death’s doorstep and they couldn’t go to the hospital in their uniform. Sometimes commissioner Gordon would call her up to help Batman. But in most instances she wouldn’t be able to talk to her patient they would either be unconscious and recovering or put under a medicated coma if the injuries were too bad and the person was too stubborn and won’t stay still to allow recovery. 

She expects Jason to make a fine recovery from this. There isn’t any other injury aside from his neck. Not a single bruise anywhere on his body except for a bit on his throat. She guesses his attacker choked him a bit but that doesn’t explain the weird holes. 

From what she remembered of when he was a child he was always a scruffy fighter, a little firecracker. She remembers when he was a kid there wasn’t much that could keep him from fighting to the end. Even Bruce had called the kid relentless and a bit brutal. If someone was going to pick on him there was no way he was going to lie down and take it. 

Now that child is big and strong enough to make people think twice about hurting him. If someone were to go after him they had to expect he’d put up a challenging fight. Which is why she’s appalled that he didn’t at least have bruises on his knuckles that would imply some punches were thrown. 

She gives Jason a weary smile. Sure she could scold the boy when he wakes like she always did but she could leave that to Alfred. Sure Bruce was the head of the house but all the boys always listen to Alfred. Nobody crosses Alfred.

She thought back to the old days with Jason. He would be lying in a hospital bed and promising Batman he’d be back on the streets in less than a week. While not quite less than a week recovery the kid sprung back to his feet pretty quickly. 

Of course wasn’t the only Bat family member she’s treated. She took care of Dick when he was robin fixing up his cuts and scrapes occasionally a sprain or a broken bone. He wasn’t by any means careful as Bruce thinks he was. She tends to wonder if Jason thought lesser of himself since Bruce would call him reckless a lot. Dick didn’t run into fights like Jason but he did get captured a lot. Jason didn’t have much trouble with escaping when he could picklocks and with Bruce giving him drills on what to do in the case of capture. 

She remembers Jason telling her all about Dick and his jealously of him. He’d talk about how Bruce would sometimes get really upset with him for being a bit rougher and freaking out when he got hurt more often than Dick. Though she thinks the villains only got crueler for the new robin. He told her that sometimes when Batman was out of earshot they would mock him for not being the original boy wonder. The villain’s growing cruelty becomes apparent after Jason’s death and Barbara’s paralysis. They were more than happy to kill innocents after they saw that Batman could be fazed and when Tim became robin they definitely didn’t cut him any slack.

She looks at the family Bruce made for himself and smiles. It’s good to see that he has so many people to watch his back. She remembers when he would take the weight of the world on his back. Doing everything he can to make Gotham a better place. She remembers how much he used to smile with his first two robins. Believe it or not Batman used to laugh, he would laugh at the little robins’ antics. He used smile at Dick’s puns and games he played when on patrol. He laughed when he went to stop bad guys and came back and saw the batmobile’s tires were stolen by none other than his next robin. He used to go out and do the silliest things for his robin like dress in gaudy colored variations of the bat suit. He used to little favors for the robins to make them happy. 

Now Bruce is getting older he’s lost too much. All the villains that do everything to break him wore him down. They couldn’t get rid of Batman but they did hurt him. When the second robin died he became a different person. He was darker, angrier, and more violent. When the Jason came back from the dead he was darker, angrier, and more violent like father like son. 

She could tell that Bruce was going to lose it if he’d failed the same son twice. Not after he’s finally got the boy to begin trusting him a little and living in the manor. 

Leslie removed her surgeon mask and disposed of her gloves and went outside to deliver the news. When the family saw her they held their breaths and Bruce visibly paled. God she doesn’t want to have to treat him for a stress related heart attack. She held up her hands. 

“He’s going to be just fine he’ll make a recovery he lost a lot of blood but he’s getting in back. The color is slowly returning to his face” a collective sign washed over everyone. They were relieved. Barbara wheeled forward and Bruce stood up. 

“Is it okay if we see how he’s doing?” she could see that that wasn’t going to ease they’re nerves. Barbara cared for her little brother and Bruce well he needed to be sure Jason was okay. Dick rose as well he needed to show he could be a good brother. He did his best with Tim and Damian but Jason was always kind of distant from him, he’d ignore him or reply with short answers. Damian didn’t care too much and Tim was okay with waiting to see Jason when he was awake and talking. 

She gave a curt nod and stepped aside to let his family through. They relaxed a little more after seeing Jason sleeping body and listening to the slow steady beat of his heart monitor. Bruce stared at the ECG as it moved peacefully and antagonizingly slow. Slower than a sleeping heart beat. Jason was still nearly as pale as a sheet of paper but Leslie said he was going to recover just fine. 

\---

Barbara wheeled to Jason’s side and held his hand massaging gentle circles. A comforting and grounding gesture so she can be assured that Jason is here and he’s okay. His hand is cold. Whenever she hears of Jason getting hurt it makes her blood run cold. Her little brother was taken away once she doesn’t want him to leave them again. 

She knew Jason well before he died and before she got paralyzed. He was a wisecracking kid throwing out sarcastic quips when he wasn’t sure of himself. Despite living on the streets becoming robin let him have a bit of childlike naivety back. He had hope that things could be better because things did get better when he got to have a family. Though when he came back he wasn’t an idealistic cute child or a brazen pre-teen with something to prove. What came back at first wasn’t Jason. What came back was angry, bitter, and damaged. When he came back life moved on and everyone turned their backs on him and forgotten who he was. He forgot who he was. 

The family written him off as insane and told the others of the Bat brood to stay away from the crazy lunatic that used to Jason Todd. Jason had hardly forgiven Dick and Bruce for doing that to him. But as Jason recovered and became a part of the family. His relation ship with Bruce and Dick was abrasive; it had fallen into a truce where neither of them talked to each other. She can tell Bruce tries to reach out and make amends even if he knows that Jason doesn’t want to talk about any of it. 

Jason doesn’t like to look back at what had happened to him. He’d grown a habit to visit his grave day of his death and place flowers. Everybody would think he did it was a joke if he didn’t avoid the place every other day of the year. When he placed the flowers he would whisper an apology and nothing more. When she asked him about it he would normally just dismiss it. 

But one time when he was alone and he felt like he was going crazy he called her up. He was trying to reach out. He started off with saying Roy was gone on an undercover mission and Starfire was busy in Miami. He trusted her. They talk for a long time she wanted to try to convince him to come home but she was sure that he didn’t want to right now and there was no point in trying to nag him. He just wanted to talk. 

He told her about what he and Roy were up to. He told her about an amazing restaurant in Star city that had great sandwiches. When she asked what was bothering him he answered with a long silence. She told him that he didn’t have to talk about it. Then he starting talking about human trafficking ring he went out to stop that had some kids in it too. 

He saw one of the kids who stood up for the other younger ones he was so skinny and small he looked so frail but he would furiously protect them. When anybody tried to touch them he would stand in their way even one of the boys told him to stop. He told him that he had it under control when he obviously didn’t. The kid was brave he’d always stand up when anybody punched him to the ground.

“You should have seen him he could barely breathe and his friend had to help him” she asked what happened to him. He didn’t answer he moved on to the other women and children he helped. Fighting (killing) the organizers of the ring was no problem. He helped the kids find a good orphanage or find their parents. Then he asked her “do you think he’d be proud?” she knew he killed those bad people. She’s sure he’s talking about Bruce. She couldn’t give him an answer. 

There was silence for a long time “I wish there was a heaven” he slurred/sobbed. 

“Jason?” She suspected he was drinking. Who would’ve guessed he was a sad drunk?

“Jason died he’s in that grave” he mumbled miserably   
“Jason”

“He deserved to live and grow up, not have a fucking abomination walk around in his place” his voice was cracking he was trying not to cry again.

“Jason’’

“That kid…oh god his friend. They fought and-”

“Jason it’s okay it’s not your fault” 

“It’s not fair” she could hear him breathing choked sobs. He was becoming more human and less of the monster that the family normally saw in him. He didn’t know it but she’s proud that he’s been becoming a better person. He’s been more open since finding Roy. 

“His friend…” whatever happened to that kid he felt guilty for not doing more for them. Maybe he saw a little bit of himself in the kid. 

She’s seen Jason trying to separate himself from his death as much as possible. He feels uncomfortable talking about it. It disturbs him to think about digging out of his grave. Whenever he feels the slightest bit of frustration he’d lock himself away for a couple hours not speaking with anybody. When she tried to talk to him about the habit he’d say it’s for the safety of the family that does that. He wouldn’t go into detail about it but Dick would nod give a look that says ‘let him go’. 

Sometimes it frustrated her that they couldn’t see that he was trying to be better. Not that he made it easy with snapping sarcastic comments or say some insensitive things or just acted cold and heartless to situations. Sure he didn’t share the same perspective as the rest of the family except for maybe Damian and Stephanie but they both died. Death brought a different perspective to things. For them there wasn’t a heaven or hell there was only peace. To Jason life was hell he had to overcome to prove he deserved to have it his second life wasn’t his second chance it was part of someone’s plan to hurt batman like his death was to hurt batman. His resurrection was manipulation, betrayal, and rage. 

Sometimes she heard from Roy when talking about Jason that Jason he blames himself for everything that happened to him. He thinks he deserved it. This came from extremely drunk Jason but alcohol sometimes makes the best of truth serums. 

She never tried to force Jason to confront his feelings. She always made herself someone he could talk to if he was in any trouble. 

She watched Jason change so much since coming back to them. He had gotten better since he’d been with Roy. The Red hood was still around but he was Jason. He probably doesn’t see it but he’s changed from being cold, callous, and angry back to the sarcastic and silly kid again. She smiles fondly. Jason is still alive.


	3. Waking Up

Everything feels sore and his body is on fire. Every movement of muscle is an intense burn. He could feel it in his neck especially. His neck feels hot and like he’s being choked by an incredibly weak person and it itches it’s like wearing a turtleneck sweater. He reaches to scratch ignoring the awful burning sensation, which was still awful but not as bad as his throat. He feels something tighten around his hand. It feels like pins and needles he gives up trying to scratch his neck. Moving his fingers feels exhausting. 

The rest of his body when not moving feels like it’s freezing. He’d shiver if it didn’t burn him up or if it wouldn’t make him feel a bunch of pins stuck in his skin. Nowhere near as awful as the Lazarus pit but it did feel extremely uncomfortable. 

Breathing is tiring it was ragged and arid. There’s something on his face. It smells awful it was little greasy with a nauseating mix of plastic and artificial cherry. He wanted to throw up but he thinks the thing on his face is pushing oxygen into his lungs with a few anesthetics mixed. The breathing mask was drying up his mouth. He could kill for a glass of water right now. He feels sicker with every breath.

There was a slight taste of metal in his mouth it really didn’t help with his nausea. He tried to swallow it down, big mistake it felt like swallowing sandpaper washed down with acid, his head felt like it was going to burst, and his teeth started feel like they were bashed in with a brick.

He opens his eyes and the room is spinning and he feels a headache coming on. He couldn’t think straight. He couldn’t get any bearings on where he was. If he’s in danger then he’s screwed because he can’t move or focus on anything without wanting to puke. He squeezes his eyes shut again and his face feels like it’s on fire. He groans his throat is so damn dry.

“waater” he moans. He notices the hand he was holding moves to his forehead or a few seconds and then begins brushing his hair back. The hand was a bit cool and felt nice if not slightly prickly on his head. He whines a bit at the loss of coolness but having his hair combed through feels pretty good too. He wonders if that’s Kori or Roy. He hasn’t seen Kori in a while. He’s not sure if Roy is still okay with hanging around him after that awkward break up. He misses them. 

He thinks he hears the owner of the hand talking to someone. He couldn’t quite make out what they were saying or what they were doing. He head felt like it was it was stuffed with flaming cotton and his vision had spots everywhere. Good god a bad hangover is more merciful than this.

He attempts to focus on the sound. The people in the room were whispering to allow Jason to sleep again if he wanted to. When tried to listen the whispers the sound became extra pain stacked on his already horrible headache followed by obnoxious ringing. He looked pleadingly at one of the people in the room. They stopped talking and he tried to relax again but a slight beeping noise felt like an emergency alarm right next to his ear. It was all disorientating. 

“we should probably leave Jason alone to sleep” Bruce says thoughtfully watching his restless son. Barbara makes no move to leave. She continues petting Jason’s hair back. He wouldn’t fight Barbara about this. He would argue that letting him sleep is best for his recovery, but Jason seemed to be a bit more at ease with Barbara at his side. 

She shares a bond with Jason that none of the other members of the can quite understand. It probably had to do with them both feeling they’ve been fucked over by the joker. Barbara lost her mobility. Jason lost his life. Though unlike Jason, Barbara had support, Jason was completely abandoned.

Dick likes to say the Jason much nicer to girls. Which for the most part could be seen by how easily he warmed up to Stephanie and Cass. Though Jason and Stephanie have somewhat similar personality with Steph probably being angrier than Jason. Not to mention they had the raised on the streets and having the shittiest criminal dad in common. They also probably feel they were fucked over by Bruce too. 

As for Jason and Cass, Jason says stupid shit because he can and Cass either doesn’t know better or loves fucking with everybody. They get along because they know they’ve been used by assassin and feel no need to talk about it in detail. They sense each other as born fighters and corrupted warriors and respect each other all the more for their respective pasts. 

Though that’s not to say they weren’t cold upon first meeting each other. Everyone was worried they would kill each other, but Jason found some joy in reading aloud some of his books for Cass to listen on their shared down time. With that they began to bond with the help of Stephanie. Steph would smack Jason upside the head whenever he said something insensitive and glare at Cass whenever she would be rude to him about him killing. She played a mediator for them. With that they set boundaries for what was okay and was not okay to talk about.

Cass would often lie down near Jason on the floor when she began to trust him. The TV would be on and Cass would watch. Jason would be reading peacefully on the couch. He’d already cleaned everything so he felt content enough to relax with a book. 

“Hey silent but deadly, you want me to read this a loud for you?” She didn’t reply, “Might help with expanding your vocabulary” still no response

He would start reading the paragraphs aloud. Little by little Cass would turn down the volume on the TV. Jason would laugh a bit and continue reading. Eventually the TV was turned off and Cass would turn around to listen to him. 

Dick says the sight is adorable. Jason does voices for different characters and pauses to let Cass repeat some of the more difficult words. He would give commentary about character motivation or guesses for the future development into the story or just straight up calling certain characters assholes. It was amusing to see how animated he could get over some stories. He would just keep a conversation going to get Cass to speak. He would ask what she thinks is going to happen next. When she guessed correctly what was going to happen he would gape at her in disbelief and smile. Smile like Dick had rarely seen directed at many people other than Cass, Steph, Barbara, Alfred, Kori, and Roy. It was genuine, actually content, like he loved and could live in that moment. 

“How did you get that?” 

“She…seemed…like the person to do that,” She would think about some lines in the story to point out “she so-cio-path” 

“You sure you didn’t watch it before?”

“Watch?”

“Never mind,” he would continue reading on. 

“I like your voices” His face lit up at how confidently she said that and at the compliment in the words.

Their favorite to read was play scripts. Jason would give Cass a portion to voice herself and when Stephanie was around she would be given a part too. When Tim walked by Steph would beg him to join in but he’d always refuse and get to work on whatever from Wayne enterprises. 

I wasn’t difficult to see he got along with the girls of the family but would clash with the guys. He’s softened up since being in the manor but could still be resentful to Bruce. He would be outright cold to Dick sometimes threatening murder and cracking sarcastic/funny quips at him the next. He reminded him of Damian in that way. 

Tim and Jason have grown as friends since Tim has made an effort to understand him as a person instead of the memorial in a glass case or a psychopath that murders willy-nilly to piss off Batman and/or because he just plainly angry and insane. He tells Tim to never be like Batman. He doesn’t understand what that means but Jason always tells him he will. 

Jason and Damian are considered complicated to say the least. The family would describe his relationship with Damian a lot like Bruce and Alfred if Bruce resented Alfred for doing his job, which he did sometimes. Everyone knows they have a history, but either party refuse to talk about it. Damian is especially malicious to Jason calling him anything and everything he knows would cut deep into Jason. They’re surprised he won’t kill the kid with the things he’s said to him. They don’t know the half of it. He’s even worse when they’re alone. Whenever asks him why he hasn’t offed him even jokingly he’d get insulted, and disappear for the day. Even when some of them know he doesn’t harm children period. Except if they were brainwashed by an evil old lady blah blah and they used tranquilizers. So he feels slightly less guilty. Less… 

He can definitely hold a lot more patience for Damian because he’s a self-centered brat raised to think he’d the center of the universe. He still holds responsibility for him because he’s under obligation to make sure he doesn’t die by Damian’s mother. Though his tolerance for Dick and Bruce remains little. 

No matter how much of the old Jason there is for the family. The ‘old’ Jason wouldn’t have forgiven Dick or Bruce for what they did either. 

Jason was groaning and sweating on the operation table. Barbara mouths “fever” and Bruce nods. He’s not sure what he can go for him. He wanted a way to make it up to him but they’ve burned down too many bridges between them. 

 

Jason stares up at Barbara bleary eyed. “Can I get up” she smiles at him.

“Can you? Well maybe you shouldn’t you’re running a fever right now and you might get dizzy” She whispers. She continued to pet his hair it felt really nice. “I glad to see you can talk” 

“My throat hurts” He croaks out “though not much can keep me down” He attempts to roll off the cot. He’s hurting and the action set’s his muscles on fire so he slumps back down with Barbara’s hands on his shoulders. 

“Don’t over exert yourself when you don’t need to” He stares up at her. Unreadable. “You safe with us okay just relax and let yourself recover” he sighs 

“Water and I’ll go to sleep okay” 

She nods and leaves to get him water. 

“Jason okay?”

“Is Jason alright? I came when I heard. He’s awake right?”

“Yeah he’s got a fever but he’ll be fine I’m getting him water”

“Can…we see him?” 

“He seemed a bit overwhelmed with Bruce being there earlier, maybe it’s best to wait a little before we all come in to see him” 

Cass and Steph were slightly disappointed they couldn’t see him but they were relieved to hear he was just fine. Dick however didn’t look too good. They rarely talked in person to think of it this is probably the first in a couple months they’ve seen each other face to face. Though Dick didn’t look at her he was preoccupied with his shoes as if they were the most important things in the world. He’d gotten better at hiding his emotions, which didn’t mean well. Jason already hated him for acting like Bruce. Closing himself off and hiding the darker feeling that ate at him behind the smile he likes to wear isn’t doing anybody any favors. Dick has always been the more sensitive to emotions in their little family, him and Jason. Jason just channels it into anger, which he’s been making an effort to control. But Dick has tried to stuff it down under the Batman cowl like Bruce.

She could tell this was hurting him on the inside. He realized he wasn’t the best brother to Jason and he wants to wrong the rights. He probably thought Jason thought he abandoned him when he went teamed up with Batman and Robin instead of Red Hood. 

“It might be mind blowing information but Jason actually likes to be left alone sometimes” 

“But he didn’t have to be or shouldn’t have been, god Babs I don’t know” 

“Gee you sound like Bruce more and more everyday” she sighs and combs her hands through her hair “I said he likes being left alone, not that he is alone” Maybe she did blame a bit of what happened on herself. But Jason is perfectly fine he’s awake and alive. They’re probably blowing this all out of proportions but this is the first time Jason’s gotten seriously injured since returning to the family. Here everyone is writing his obituary in their heads. 

“Babs...”

“Dick pull your head out of your ass” She left him to get Jason that drink. He’s got to sort things out himself. 

She returns with the water and sees Jason already asleep the ECG was beeping softly in the background impossibly slow, slow but alive. 

“Jay you ass you made me get the water so you can have the room to yourself all quiet” she chuckled softly to herself. She left the water near by where he can reach it. She kissed him on the forehead. “Sweet dreams” He looked peaceful. She wondered whether he looked like that when he slept or he was just exhausted from the blood loss. She’s sure he has developed some psychological and ‘behavior’ problems. She’s sure everyone in the family has PTSD but Jason and Damian might be worse since they’ve literally died. Though Damian and Cass probably take the cake since they’re child soldiers made to kill since when they began walking. 

It’s probably for the best they all get some rest and deal with everything in the morning.

 

He drifted to a dreamless sleep. He would think he was dead. Crap if he is dead what would he say to Kori? CRAP WHAT WOULD HE SAY TO ROY? Oh right he wouldn’t say anything if he’s dead or dreaming or not dreaming. If he was sleeping it’s rarely ever a peaceful one. Normally rattled with nightmares. 

He has dreams of the Joker killing him and his mother pathetically apologizing replay endlessly. The worse moment in his existence besides being ripped back into living and clawing himself out of his own grave.

He hated going to sleep but Roy and Kori has encouraged him not to work himself to death so he’s tolerated taking short naps and going back to work. He didn’t drown himself in coffee like Tim does but he’s been told on more than one occasion when he’s pushing his body too far with lack of sleep that he’s going to slip up and fall asleep on the job. Though nobody in the Bat Clan would see anything wrong with his sleeping habit since everybody is nocturnal. All of them work late hours into the night on patrol. Besides Tim again has him beat when it comes to overworking and going too long without sleep. He’s sure majority of his energy to function is purely coffee, likes he’s got literal coffee in his veins with a little bit of blood. 

Ha coffee blood…

 

He wakes up and it’s the next day and he feels better to say the least the burning in his muscles has gone away. He grabs the glass of water and drinks up. He rolls off the cot and stumbles his legs nearly give out under his weight. He groans, as the room seems to spin a bit. He just got up a bit too quick. He regains his balance and leaves the med bay.


	4. soups and sanity

It’s been a few days already and Jason doesn’t look too good. He felt tired constantly and his skin was incredibly pale. Leslie looked him over and said there was no internal bleeding going on. She suggested iron pill which didn’t really help all that much. They suggested more red meat. It tasted nice but it didn’t really improve his condition. He ate regularly but he had what felt like hunger pains. He tried to get more rest but he still looked and felt exhausted. Now he looked like he could beat out Tim on most tired bat. 

The doctors say he has hemolytic anemia. His blood cells are kind of killing themselves. However it doesn’t explain the pain in his stomach. They give him medication and vitamins but they don’t really help him. 

His tiredness is becoming a liability and he’s asked to stay at home. However he’s hardly ever one to follow orders. He still goes out to do his job as red hood though now he had to have someone accompany him in case he gets exhausted or pass out in the middle of a fight. He doesn’t mind it too much when it’s Stephanie or Cass. Some of the people in his territory find it a bit adorable that his sisters hang around. They tend to know better than to touch either of them. Any of the pigs that try can expect a broken hand from either girl and a broken face from Red Hood. 

When partnering up with the Bats for the week he reminds his gang leaders subordinates that just because he can’t kill in front of the bats doesn’t mean he won’t come back around latter to finish the job of taking out the trash. They understand the message and start acting on their best behavior when he’s with the batcan. Either they’re afraid of the consequence from red hood or getting double the punishment from whatever bat member he’s using as a crutch for the day.

\------

He can still up hold his scary alpha of the streets image to the thugs with his bright red helmet but under the helmet he’s huffing in exhaustion with sunken eyes and pale skin. He looks in the mirror and wonders whether this was what he looked like when he first crawled out of his grave. Sometimes the girls have to help him up when he misses the next roof and he’s hanging off the ledge because he feels light headed and miscalculated the jump. Both girls help him up because apparently he’d still the heaviest and holding him up is ‘like carrying an bunch of bags of cement’ and garners comments like ‘you’re just fat’. One thing to clear up he’s not fat its pure muscle and two shut up Steph. 

They have to duck in the shadows to hide Red Hood’s weakness. He recovered quickly and went back to work so the criminals wouldn’t think the Red Hood up and died they could be free to do whatever. He needed to show that Red Hood was strong unwavering and always watching, but if anyone were to see him struggling to hold himself up he’d lose credit as a real crime boss. 

While moving around his territory and attending to his business with various pimps and drug dealer and gangs leaders with his ‘assistants’ or ‘ASSistant’ when moving around with Nightwing. Who he has to remind not to beat up any of his underlings and what ‘bad business’ means on more than a million occasions. Besides hanging around Nightwing, vigilante of Bludhaven, does nothing but shit on his reputation. It doesn’t really sit well with just about anybody that the killer crime lord that means business Red Hood is hanging around ‘goody two shoes’ hero part time comedian Nightwing. It’s not that Red Hood doesn’t crack jokes. It’s just the jokes he makes are mocking and at some really poor motherfucker’s expense or Roy’s. 

He hates having to constantly remind him not to jump out of the shadows and start arresting everybody. He’s annoyed that he’s not allowed to fuck with every gang he visits. He hates the judging eyes he knows is watching when he’s talking with some of the prostitutes either for reports of the criminals so he can be making sure they’re following his set rules or the latest gossip. From Heather he heard about Violet’s new boyfriend she met at a coffee shop. He considers swing by to meet them. It’s always fun to see them happy.

He asks Heather about her other friends and they end up talking for a long time. Heather invites him to go out and hang out with her friends again. He tells her that he’s been feeling a bit under the weather lately. She offers to bring him soup. He laughs and declines the offer. She talks about how he’s missing out on it and he brags he’s already a pretty damn good cook. He doubts her self-proclaimed skills and they go on about who can make better food. In the end he holds on to his belief that his grandfather (Alfred) is the best. But Heather wanted to prove him wrong that her cooking was the best and tricked him into accepting the soup in the end. 

He thinks if Dick didn’t already leave at the sight of the prostitute to give him his privacy. He’s sure he’s bored Dick with the conversation. 

He didn’t really need Dick anyway. He could lean up against the wall when he was feeling dizzy. To Heather it probably looked casual which talking to her he felt pretty relaxed. Which remind him he should probably be on his guard as Red Hood. He straightened up. Heather noticed his chance in stance and looked around. 

“There something wrong Red?” 

“Nah nothing it’s just I forget when hanging out with you guys that I got to be on my guard as Red Hood” She smiles it must sound kind of flattering. It’s kind of sweet that Red Hood considers them to be friends. She rolls her eyes. 

“Gee you had me scared for a second” fishes out a receipt from her pocket and a pen and scrawls down some numbers on it. She hands the receipt to him. “Here if you ever need anybody to talk to you can hit me up, also tomorrow meet up right here at 9:30 for the soup for gods sake you look like you’re gonna drop” 

He’s a little speechless and grateful. He shrugs indifferently. Who the hell is he to ignore a lady’s demands?

“Don’t give me that look, you’re one of your own now and we look out for our own” she smacks him upside the head. He whined a bit pretending it hurt more than it did. He’s hearing a helmet after all. “Quit whining you big baby, you take care of everybody but somebody’s got to take care of you” 

She then leaves and he goes to look for Dick. 

 

“So did you have fun?” He thinks he had sex with her

“Tons” He said harshly. It wasn’t a lie though he didn’t have the kind of fun he’s thinking about. 

“Gee I thought sex is supposed to make you more relaxed not wind you up more” 

“Well I was relaxed but then you know” He held out his arms as if he presenting his annoying big brother. “Anyway all in all I’m feeling pretty good most of the gangs are accounted for, Heather said her neighborhood is in the clear, awesome, and Violet got a new boyfriend so I’m visiting the café near the park sometime this week and Heather also demanded I come back around here for soup” 

The look on Dick’s face was absolutely baffled. He starts to wonder whether he actually had sex with her. He didn’t but he wasn’t going to go out and tell him. He could think whatever the hell he wants to think. 

“Is it me or does it seem like every woman you come across always starts mothering you” He glares. Dick holds his hands up in mock surrender. 

“Shut up Dickface we’re going home”

The next night he’s made to go out with Tim. He finds Tim to be pretty good to hang out with when he’s not bugging him about his meds and whether or not he’s taking it. Tim is hardly a mother hen, which he wonders whether this is his way of getting back him after whatever he’d done to him to take care of him whenever he was benched for getting sick. 

The he swears the kid is so susceptible to sickness because he never sleeps and to give his body a chance to heal itself. He’s always downing another coffee, one after another. He had the responsibility to look after his wellbeing and that meant hovering over him on occasion to make sure he didn’t sneak off to drown himself in more work or whatever. He understand the need to work he’s probably a bit of a workaholic according to Roy. The kid always complained how he’s like an angrier version of Alfred but he would never dignify that with a response. But now he starts to see how that kind of behavior is pretty annoying. 

With Tim he hits all the stops and meets up with Heather to get the soup. He opens the thermos and it smells absolutely amazing he had to give credit where credit is due. The soup was a Russian borsch red broth and all. He takes a sip and he feels a lot more energized than he’s felt in a while. He gives Tim a bit to try but he’s repulsed by what he feels a metal taste like she cooked it in an old pot or something. He said he felt a bit sick after trying it he just guessed the culprit was cabbage. He decided to save the rest for later. 

Nagging and hovering aside he likes Tim since he at least tries to understand him and forgives him even though he really doesn’t deserve it. When he’s done going over all his vitamins and medications he’s supposed to be taking he’s pretty fun. Playing games asking each other weird questions.

“Hey Tim if light is faster than anything then how did the darkness get there first?” it wasn’t a riddle or anything. If anything he think he heard it on a TV show or something. Tim froze and actually contemplated the answer. 

“Darkness is an absence of light”

“But light is the fastest thing in existence”

“Except for maybe gravity”

“Is the speed of gravity really something you can measure?”

“Yes?”

“You don’t sound you’re sure of yourself egghead”

“Why don’t you ask Nigma about that”

“I guess we’ll either get an impossible answer or I’d be the first person to stump the Riddler we can plaster it on Gotham News’s front page ‘Red Hood stumps the Riddler!’ bet Batman would never believe it”

“Only you could compete on Riddler’s level of OCD and ridiculous queries” 

“Man I miss Trivia pursuit with Nigma” 

“Wait what?” Red Robin’s eyes were blown wide in complete disbelief. “Are you talking about Batman’s rule about that?”

“Who do you think made him make that rule?” He laughed in his helmet “Nigma flipped shit the few times I nearly beat him”

“How do you nearly beat Nigma at trivia pursuit?” 

“The guy’s got an ego and he always take the challenge to show off his brains. He loves games like that. Though beating him is anything but easy the guy never misses a beat.”

“Nearly wining against the Riddler?”

“Oh yeah I pick up random facts here and there and I read a lot. Though I say nearly because he always throws a bitch fit before we finish the game because he thinks I cheat. That or Batman puts an end to it because doesn’t really like seeing us together because we could be plotting something and he’s because he’s a killjoy though when Batman isn’t around and Eddy’s in a pretty good mood he’ll hand out info about whatever going on around Gotham”

“Dude you got to invite me the next trivia pursuit with the Riddler”

“But Batman banned it”

“Since when do you give a shit about Batman’s rules?”

“You got me there, next game is in two weeks in the bat cave behind the giant penny” 

They’re hanging out on the roof of an Italian deli shop. They’re pretty close to the ground. The shop owner knows Red Hood and gives him a piece of ham for saving his daughter from her would be rapist a few months back. 

“This feels a little bit like a date”

“What makes you think that?”

“I don’t know the shared food from some Italian guy is kind of ripped straight from lady and the tramp”

He snorts and rips into the ham with his teeth. “Let me guess you’re lady and I’m tramp?” Tim rolls his eyes. Well it kind of fits Lady’s from a rich background and Tramp is well a street dog. He chews on the ham thoughtfully for a moment staring down on the streets below “Do you think a caterpillar knows they’re going to become a butterfly or do they just build the cocoon and be like “what the fuck am I doing?””

Tim throws his hands up “Oh my god” they’re both laughing their ass off. 

It feels good to laugh sometimes, not a sarcastic bitter kind of laugh just the kind of laugh that comes from hanging out with friend and goofing around. He remembered when there was nothing but anger and misery. Everything hurt deep down that the magic of the Lazarus couldn’t clean like his scars. He blamed Batman for not avenging him and letting the Joker go time and time again. Letting the Joker live made him feel like he deserved to die. That Bruce puts the lunatic more deserving of his heroics than him. Though he now sees that he was so focused on putting the blame on someone else that he didn’t realize it was his fault. He chose to go to Ethiopia, he chose to disable trackers, and he chose to go after a mother that gave such little shit about him that she sold him to the joker. He’s such an idiot. 

Looking at Tim today he feels bad. He wonders why he ever gave him a second chance. Why did anybody ever give him a second chance? Why does existence give him a second chance at life? Why does he get to continue to fuck up his second chances? 

Looking at Tim he wonders how he could ever forgive him. He’s actually tried to kill the kid on more than one occasion when he first came back. He’s a killer, which he’s sure the kid doesn’t believe in killing Nightwing doesn’t either though he’s not sure how well he actually follows it. 

He sometimes wonders if Batman unhinged would actually kill him. Tim has told him that Batman got more violent when he died and before he stepped in. He wonders whether or not without would Batman have avenge him? He doubts it. 

His mind drifts back to Batman killing him. He sure he would never do especially now that he knows who he is and isn’t completely disowning him as a member of their ‘family’. A hypothetical question if Batman killed how would he do it? He thinks there’s speculation of Batman leaving someone to starve to death. No he would probably opt for something quick. He seems to have no problem with tossing off roofs he could bat claw someone at a high enough to a drop that would definitely make them go splat on the pavement. Hell he’s sure he does it for interrogation, what if the line was to snap? Shooting the bat claw again in the middle of their fall could either result in a torn limb or a snapped neck. Hanging from a line with a broken neck. 

What irony would it be if he made Batman use guns to kill him? He knows he never would use guns it’s just not his style. If he had to make him stop quickly and end him old yeller style, would he? He’s not much different from a rabid stray dog nowadays. He knows he isn’t anybody’s favorite by any means. 

He lets a bit of the Lazarus madness take him and it’s basically the same as having the rabies anyway minus the foaming in the mouth, paralysis and ending in death. No the tingling just spreads into unbearable pain as he’s broken his hands and ripped muscles beyond their limit, because he couldn’t think enough not to do that while being literally too insane to control himself. In that state he could have a claymore run straight through his body stuck out the other side and an ocean of his own blood pooling at his feet and he could still break concrete with his bare hands and all he would feel is a slight tingling. Never mind the broken fists, fatal blood loss, shredded lung, and a fucking sword though his body he wouldn’t go down. It’s only until he wakes up that he feels like dying from the absolute pain. 

He knows the feeling of being turned into Swiss cheese by a machine gun and made to continue fighting with a bunch of bullets in your body. He knows the feeling of being gutted and continuing to do acrobatic assaults as his entrails literally risk falling out. He knows the feeling of being poisoned with paralytic and be stuck in a cage fight with a five trained assassins still taking them out one by one ignoring that his muscles should be impossible to move. He knows it because it’s part of sick tests and missions Al’Ghul like to put him through. 

If Batman had to make the choice to either end him or risk the safety of their little family. Well the choice would be easy. Get rid of the absolute madman. They’ve sent him to asylum before but in berserker he could and probably would slaughter everyone there though that is assuming they’re even able to contain him long enough to take him there to begin with. Their best chance would be just killing him. Brain bullets would definitely slow him down though after the Lazarus haze goes away he’d be dead. 

He thinks about how easy the choice it would be to kill him. It would probably relieve them of their biggest fuck up. The thought makes him infuriated and depressed. He isn’t really worth anybody’s save he’s not worth anybody’s time. 

Tim senses his distress “What’s up?” he puts his hand on his shoulder. He scoots away but Tim reaches and holds on tightly to his shoulder to keep him steady. He looks down at his shoes and then to the streets below. He feels a bit of vertigo. 

“I think I want to go down” Suddenly he feels he’s ripped back and away from the ledge he was sitting on. He smack whoever pulled him and he realizes its Tim. His eyes widen. “Shit Tim I’m so fucking sorry” but then he recognizes Tim wasn’t upset or angry his face was full of concern. 

“Jason?”

“I’m fine” he stood up and he immediately feel dizzy. Jesus he wants to puke. Tim hops up to his feet and hold Jason’s arm to steady him. The kid was a lot stronger than he looked, he’ll give him that. When the spots in his vision went away he walked on his own. He still felt like he was sick. Tim let him go a little bit but still stayed close enough to catch him again just in case.

“We should probably get you home and call a doctor”

“I’m fine”

“You’re obviously not,” Tim says rather sharply. He’s obviously irritated with Jason suddenly closing himself off.

“There’s nothing wrong” he tries to keep his voice steady

“That’s bull and you know it” 

He takes in a deep breath and counts in his head. He would go to his happy place if he had one. He’s getting angry and he has to get control of himself before goes nuts. His eyelids squeezed together and his face turned away from Tim and his fist opening and closing. Tim guesses he’s hiding something but what would he need to hide from them. He grits through his teeth “Tim if you know what’s best for you. You should leave” 

“You nearly fell off the ledge and I pulled you back and right now you’re struggling to stand up straight” he moved closer “I think what’s best for you is if I stay”

“Please leave” his voice cracks and his bravado splinters and shows a flicker of something inhumanly sick behind it. The words sounded broken. It seems wrong coming out of Jason’s mouth, especially after getting to know him for the past couple of months. He breaths in long calming breaths. 

Tim reaches out to touch him to reassure him that whatever’s bothering him he’s here to help. That and he look nearly ready to collapse. Jason grabs his hand and starts crushing it slowly but then unexpectedly letting go and pushes him away. Despite looking like a gust of wind can throw him off his feet. Jason was still the strongest of the bat brood. 

He’s dealt with an angry Konnor before. He backs away to give him his space while looking at him directly. He’s sure that Konnor and Jason more or less a few similar problems, that being feeling like abominations and not belonging.

Kon’s name literally means abomination in Kryptonian; he gets the sense that he’s not that much different from Doomsday. Doomsday fits the definition of abomination more than Kon ever will. He sometimes thinks he’s a part of everything wrong with Kryptonian society after reading Kryptonian history what his purpose is as a clone. Even though he’s devised on earth. His creator either had a sick sense of humor to give him that name or didn’t know better. He doubts it’s the latter. 

Jason is a different case. He’s given up all hope. He doesn’t believe they can stop crime only that he can control it with fear because that’s the only thing they understand.   
He’s been broken down and he has had to put himself together so many times with the world being apathetic to him for a long time. He’s the robin that doesn’t die; he’s the robin that doesn’t fly. 

He’s been given pity but it’s fucked him over more than help. Despite getting better he and everybody else is sure he’s a ticking time bomb waiting to blow up in their face. He can get close to people especially after having friends such as Roy and Kori but feels the need to isolate himself from everybody too often. Dick seems to be okay with this behavior and stops anybody from trying to stop him.

Though that’s not to even mention being dead for two or three years probably fucks you up. His time being dead only puts a few years between them what would have been 5 years is bumped down 2 maybe 3 years. Thinking too much about Jason kind of unsettles him. He’s the only one to actually be dead and stay dead for a while.

Damian died but Bruce went to the ends of the earth to bring him back. Jason he dug himself out of his own grave and probably wandered alone and confused until Talia Al’Ghul picked him up. He never went into detail about his time with the League of Assassins but he can only imagine it was unpleasant if they had so qualms with turning a child into a trained killing machine.

He knows the best way to deal with this is to stare them down and show you’re not afraid of them, because in that moment they feel like nothing but monsters. They’re waiting for you make the move and prove their suspicions right that they really are monsters that deserve to be taken down by the hero. 

He’s not entirely sure if it the stare down really works since Jason seems to be doing everything to cover his eyes. He knows that is anything but intimidated by him. He knows how he fights and he knows that Tim only aims to apprehend not kill. Besides he’s a lot stronger and could snap him in half however right now Jason is anemic, though it’s best not to underestimate him he’s sure that Jason probably couldn’t fight for very long before he gets dizzy or collapses from exhaustion. 

He’s not going to make the first move if Jason attacks him he’s only going to dodge. Not a word he’ll just let him tire himself out and he can take him back home.

He studies Jason. Jason is hiding his eyes away. His eyelids closed tightly shut with his hand on top. He doesn’t want to see or be looked at. He slowly lowers his body to the ground to the point he’s sitting on his knees. He’s not quite going into a panic attack he remains control over his breathing taking long breathes. Though the other symptoms could be more of a result of the anemia than him going into a full blown panic attack. 

He doesn’t seem like he’s going to spring up on him when he finally regains control. He takes his hands off his eyes but doesn’t open them. He reaches for a cigarette and lights it. He blows out cigarette smoke away from where he thinks where Tim is. 

“You really shouldn’t be smoking with whatever’s going on in your blood”

“Trust me this is fast acting medicine for something much worse than it’s side effects” 

“Still…” He wants to ask what that mean but something tells him that he should wait later to ask him about it. 

He chuckles “You know what? If you can give up coffee and I mean not go near the stuff not a drop for more than a month. Then you come and talk to me about our respective drug abuse” It funny to see him turn his head to look directly at him without him actually looking at him. His eyes are still closed. His voice still sounds wavering like he’s trying to comfort him or it like it’s going to break down again. His words are trying to hide it with false bravado. He trying to act like his little episode didn’t actually happen. 

He puts his hand on his shoulder “One week and if I win I get to take your motorcycle for a spin if you win…”

“You get a haircut” Jason pulls off his red robin cowl “your hair is starting to remind me of Dick’s Disco-wing mullet” he visibly shivers at the thought and ruffles his hair “don’t think that the Mr. Midnight hood saves you a trip to the barber”

“Oh my god Jason you can’t even see it right now” Nobody sees his hair under the cowl and Jason’s eyes are closed. He has to get the cowl back incase someone sees him out here.

“Yeah but I have to see it when I get home” He snatches the cowl and holds it away from him all the while his eyes are still closed. He’s laughing. He’s feeling a bit better but not comfortable enough to open his eyes. He can’t wear glasses since the Lazarus green in his eyes can shine through them. Though he thinks now his eyes should stop glowing and just settle to natural looking emerald green, even if his eyes are now somewhere between a dull teal and his original ocean blue. 

He pats around his jacket pocket and pulls out his sunglasses as Tim is wrestling him for his cowl back. He slips the glasses on and shoves Tim off him and rolls out of the way before he makes another grab for it. He begins to stand up but Tim grabs for his ankles and trips him up. His chin smacks into the concrete roof. He thinks he bit his tongue. Tim climbs along his back to keep him pinned he could get up and make Tim fall off him but he just decides on moving the cowl back and forth arm outstretched to make Tim chase like a cat toy in response Tim smack him on the head and he gives it back. 

“Maybe for that I’ll take back the bet”

“C’mon Tim”

“Unless you let me wear the helmet with the motorcycle ride” Tim puts the cowl back on his head and gets off Jason’s back. He’s breathing heavily. The fight took a lot out of him. 

“Fine whatever” He rolls onto his back and stares up at the blank night sky. “Can’t to watch you writhe from withdrawal” He doesn’t want to move his brain feels like jelly after holding off a berserker. He’s really glad that Tim didn’t try to approach him when he was going nuts. He wouldn- Relax deep breaths and focus again. Thoughts like that nearly made him lose it. The connecting with family made him a bit happier at times but it also brought insecurities into the light of his mind. All of his relationships with the bats might not be pristine but think too much about it and he lets it drive him into a darker place. 

His weakness is volatile he has to walk a thin line between fairly content and mindless slave to his anger. He’s either Batman’s failure or Al’Ghul’s licensed to kill and babysit, or he could be Red Hood. The big fuck you to batman and protector of those who can’t defend themselves on the streets. 

The red hood a name that started off from some bank robbers who thought they got their hand on a lucky red ski mask that made them invincible. The story got passed around and other people took it up as a lucky token until a gang used the red hood to pin it on one guy who would eventually go on to become the joker. The name red hood only meant the man before joker. Until he took it on to say fuck you to joker and batman. 

He pulls out the thermos and takes another little drink from it and he feels a sharp kicking taste and warmth sliding down his throat. He feels better already. He contemplates whether she added vodka to the soup if so when how doesn’t the alcohol just become useless from the heat…

**Author's Note:**

> please Kudos and comment on what you want to see from this story


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